8 steps for a surprising virtual Passover Seder

Last year as Passover Seders were being planned, COVID precautions prevented many family gatherings at the last minute. Some people held their Pesach Seder in isolation. Others attempted to be more creative, but CoronaVirus definately put a damper on the festival.

This year, hopefully you are planning something different. The Tradition, of family gatherings should go on, and can go on because we live in the age of the internet. How can this be done and still stay safe? Host a virtual Seder via Zoom.

Even if you have never done something like this, planning a virtual event is not difficult, and there are many sources to find help. All you need is a little time, and communication with others, so the family can once again enjoy their time together.

Normally for Passover we personally gather as an immediate family and also try to include a few friends. Because 2020 was an unusual year, we decided to go big. Why not invite the whole family, the extended family and a few of each of our friends. This COVID Pesach which included social distancing turned out to be a memorable event. There were 48 people at our Passover in nine states which included all four time zones.

The virtual event went amazingly well for us, and it can for you. So here are a few steps to help you put this together.

First: Decide reserve calendar space

Perhaps I should have said to set the date, but that is already done. We hold our Seder on the date of Passover every year. Beyond just the Seder, you should also put on the calendar dates for notifications (at least three), date for purchasing the Haggadah (last year we used something different: a Psalmatic Seder, because we all needed a little music in our lives).

You will need to calendar time for menu planning (yes, you will still eat, each family invited will need to plan a meal … and you can share recipes), which means you need to set a time to go shopping (I try to avoid times that the store is crowded … of course you could also shop online), and you need to include extra time for set up of the table and the computer (along with, perhaps, a test run of the equipment and method)

Second: Build a guest list for the Seder

Since the date is decided, we go straight to the guest list. The four steps to building this include:

1) list all family members who are normally at your Seder;

2) go through a list of all members of your family: parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, children, cousins, in-laws and out-laws;

3) Are there any neighbors or personal friends you want to invite … since everyone is cooking their own food and eating at home, table space is not an issue!

4) Is there anyone you wish could experience a Seder? Maybe someone at work, a friend who asks lots of questions, someone who is a bit negative to the whole thing? Just an invite could turn the whole situation around!

Third: Put together Passover Details

Seders, as you know, do not just happen. A menu needs to be planned. With a virtual Seder you do not need to feed everyone (the good part), just your immediate household. You might want to share recipes, so everyone has a similar meal (of course for the meal alone, each person can eat the foods they prefer). For the specialty items: charoset, maror, and perhaps other foods traditional to your family, share the recipe. This is a great way to both pass down family recipes, and to elicit secret recipes from others.

Decide which Haggadah to use. This book is the guide to the whole program, so the same Haggadah should be used in each household. Last year my family did something different, the Psalmatic Seder, because we wanted to include more music in our Passover. Music can be assigned out (as well as other parts) in order to highlight musical talent within the family.

The Haggadah should be previewed, and think through who would be best for each part. Prayers and readings can be assigned. There can be dialogue, even between two households that are on opposite sides of the globe. Write this list on paper, because each person has to agree to: 1) participate in the Seder; and 2) do their part. This list starts in pencil (because there will be lots of erasing), and eventually, once confirmed, can be printed, and even included in a communication e-mail. (You can not over communicate!)

Communicate what foods each person needs. This is on page 4 of the Psalmatic Haggadah. Some of the people on your list have only participated on the outside by showing up at your Seder. They might not know how to set a Seder table. This is a good time to teach them. If you included guests who have never celebrated the Passover, this list is essential, so they will not miss out or worry about anything. I have written a book to explain the Passover to people with no background. (a few telephone calls can be made to make sure everyone understands!)

You will need to plan set-up, beyond the table. Because this is a communication event, you will want to place the computer a bit higher than the table, and with the proper background. If the computer is to move around, plan that aspect of the evening also. A virtual Seder requires a leader and an tech person. Do not try to operate the computer while you are leading.

The Tech person can read items in the chat room, work out any technical difficulties, make sure the screen is focused properly, and make sure everyone is understanding where they are in the Seder. This person can also send notes (or texts) about who is coming up next with an assignment. This is the point I missed last year, I will not let it happen again! 

You need to plan what happens when it comes time to eat. Everybody could sign off, and then sign on at a set time, or you could set up chat rooms so people can enjoy table conversation across the miles without an overcrowded room. Six to ten people is about the right size for a chat room. The smaller number is appropriate for households with fewer people, the larger number includes larger gatherings. Another way to look at this is 3-5 households per zoom chat rom.

Another consideration is whether the chat room changes at set times, and if people choose who is in their chat room, or if that is assigned for the evening or by time slot. All this should be communicated.

Fourth: Communicate your Passover Seder

Now you have to plan how to communicate. This does not happen through one e-mail. It is far better to over promote than to under communicate! The best way to do this is to sit down once, calendar each communication, write them, and then remember to send them out on the date necessary.

1) e-mail is the simplest way to communicate. You can send out at least three notes (typing them into your computer and saving them so they are ready to go. You can also copy lots of things like the date, time and Zoom number. Make sure people RSVP … and when they do, thank them.

2) Because some people do not read e-mail, and because you really do want them there, send a post card. I do this by dividing a regular page of paper into four quadrants (two columns and top and bottom halves). I set up the first quadrant and write my note with all the details (time, place, how to prepare, Zoom number). This can be copied from e-mails. Print the postcards on card stock. Address and send out immediately.

3) Make telephone calls. Keep a record of these, so you know who you have spoken with and if you have a yes or no. Communicate time, how to get on-line, menu, Haggadah that will be used, and assign and communicate a parts for each family. Assignments help people feel useful and obligated. People with parts will show up.

Fifth: Follow through with communication

Remember, you can never over communicate. E-mails, phone calls, equipment checks, etc.

Sixth: Personal shopping and set up

Once everything is going well, take time to do your own shopping. Include a few special items for all the work you have done. Include a few surprises … every Seder needs surprises! Perhaps a family heirloom you can share or confetti, or something else. Family pictures from past Seders could be input into the computer and shared on the screen at appropriate times.

Seventh: Host your Passover Event

This is what it is all about. Lots of energy has been put in to the event, and people will respond with gratitude and kindness. Everything should go according to plan, and if it does not, that is what families are all about. Slip-ups occur even when everyone is in the same room, and become fotter for future laughs.

Eighth: Follow Through!

Once the evening ends, write a list of what went right, and what went wrong? What do you want to do when Passover Seders return to reality? (hopefully, next year in your home)

Write thank you notes for people who shared during the Seder, especially the musicians.  Include a note to me, or on this blog about the success of your Seder. I always like to know when my blogs are helpful.

And plan who to invite to your Seder next year.